notworthy: (ffiv: ot3 | i want you)
[personal profile] notworthy
never felt like any blessing
final fantasy iv, rosa&kain (kain->rosa, kain->cecil/rosa, cecil/rosa), 1000 words, g


Rosa cannot sleep.

She pulls away from Cecil's side gently- he stirs just a little, before settling back down. She can't help her smile- she is happy to be back with him. Happier still that he came for her.

The castle's floor is cold under her bare feet, but Rosa has long been used to that. She wanders the halls aimlessly, nodding at the guards she passes. Some of their names she recalls, the others are strangers to her. Baron is a castle still healing, she thinks, but she doesn't know if it can yet. Maybe not until Golbez has been stopped.

She stops at Kain's bed chambers. Speaking of things that would not heal until Golbez was gone. Rosa spends a few seconds debating on if she should knock, but then the door's opening. Of course, Kain would know she was there. “Rosa,” he mutters, “Are you-”

“I'm fine, Kain,” she replies. Rosa takes a closer look at him- he is not a man awakened. “You cannot sleep.”

“Nor can you,” he says. She ignores the harshness in his voice. It is becoming a constant.

“Walk with me?” she says instead.

His face is guarded, but eventually he nods. He offers his arm to her and Rosa takes it, her hand resting on the crook of his elbow.

Rosa is content to let him lead, and even though their silence is slightly uncomfortable, she doesn't feel threatened, and tells him as much when he asks.

“I held you captive Rosa-”

Rosa stops them then, grateful for the dark corner that she found. She moves to face him and cups his face in her hands. “And you kept me safe, Kain. No harm came to me, and it was because of you.”

“Rosa-” he begins, and her heart clenches to see him so miserable. “I would have kept you by my side.”

“I know,” she says, and rubs her thumb over his cheekbone. Rosa has seen him without his head armor, of course, but she often forgets how strikingly handsome he is, without it. He's a good man- if it wasn't for Cecil, she thinks she could love him.

They rest their foreheads together. He is still her friend. “My apologies, Rosa.”

“There is nothing to forgive,” Rosa says, and she believes it wholly.

One of his hands come up to rest on her wrist, his fingers long enough to encircle it. His skin is warm, she notes dumbly, and closes her eyes.

His lips on hers is not unexpected. Rosa sighs into his mouth and his grip on her wrists tighten just a fraction. Kain surprises her by keeping the kiss light and chaste. If it were Cecil, she thinks, it would be a promise for more.

With Kain, she knows there will be no other kiss. It is obvious to her that Kain knows it as well- the way he makes it linger. Rosa's surprised by tears gathering in her eyes, but pulls away from him all the same.

“Rosa,” he says, and she knows that he saw her tears.

“I do love you, Kain. Just-”

He smiles, and the curve of his mouth is bitter. “Not the way I would like you to, I know. I've known for a long time.”

Rosa kisses the corner of his mouth before they let each other go. Kain holds himself rigid, as if to restrain himself. Rosa smiles sadly and takes his hand. She does not tell him that she knows he loves Cecil as well, not sure if Kain knows it. And because of that, she doesn't tell him that Cecil loves him the way she loves Kain- completely, but as a friend, as family, not as a lover. Not the way that Kain deserves.

“I'll walk you back,” he says.

“Thank you,” she whispers.

He knows without being told that she's heading back to Cecil's chambers, and takes her to the west tower. The walk is silent, until they both see Cecil leaning against his door, arms at his side. Kain freezes, but Rosa squeezes his hand.

“Couldn't sleep?” Cecil asks. There's no accusation in his voice, just a soft curiosity. Rosa feels her heart swell with affection for him.

“No,” Rosa answers, “I went for a walk and came across Kain. He was kind enough to accompany me.”

Kain and Cecil share a look then, engaging in the wordless conversations she's never understood. Finally Cecil smiles and she doesn't need to look at Kain to know that he was doing the same. She suppresses the urge to sigh- men, honestly.

Cecil nods at Kain. “Goodnight, my friend.”

“Goodnight Cecil. Rosa.” Kain nods briefly at them both and lets go of her hand, disappearing into the shadows.

Rosa waits for the footsteps to fade completely before she sighs. Cecil opens his arms to her and Rosa steps into them gratefully, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“You worry for him,” Cecil says.

“Yes,” she replies simply- it would be foolish to lie about it. She rests her head on his shoulder, “I have a feeling he will be distant now, with all of us.”

“I think he already is,” Cecil says. His hand comes to rest on the top of her head, smoothing down her hair, “We shall have to talk to him, after.”

After. She doesn't say it out loud, but she hopes that they will get an after. “Come on,” she says, lifting her head up, “Back to bed. We still need sleep.”

“More like you do,” he teases gently, but leads her back into his rooms.

They crawl back into the bed and Rosa moves in close to him and closes her eyes. Cecil's quiet, even though she knows that he's still awake.

After, she thinks again, and wonders what they can do then.

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February 2014

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