(no subject)

[notworthy]

I'll Read You A Story
HP, Harry/Ginny, Harry/Ron/Hermione, Harry/Draco. PG-13. 410 words.
For getaway_machine because it's the sort of sequel to
What If I Told You This Was Killing Me?, and that was hers too. I still don't feel like this has an end to it, but that's fine.


i.

Harry dreams that Ginny is pregnant, her belly low and full. His, he thinks. His, he doesn’t want. He smiles for her anyway, kisses her rose-red hair- ‘if it’s a girl, she’ll be Lily-Jane, for your Mum and Hermione, yeah? Ron can be her godfather too, if he can stop smoking so it doesn’t hurt her lungs- maybe, maybe it’ll make him smile again.’ Ginny is pleased- at the idea of being a Mum, of having parts of two women she didn’t really know, and of Ron smiling again. Harry isn’t sure any of those can happen- there are no happy endings here.

ii.

Harry dreams that Hermione is alive. He and Ron are threading flowers through her hair- red lilies, barely in bloom, and she tells them so, but she’s grinning all the same. They talk about going to America, but Ron’s not sure about it, and Hermione laughed, and kissed him. Hermione is different- the attack on her home has made her cherish, has made her playful. Ron is smiling again, for once- for once, Harry doesn’t turn his head. Hermione turned to press her lips against Harry’s- ‘America or not, doesn’t matter. I got you both, yeah?’ Ron’s hand is warm on Harry’s shoulder, and Hermione’s eyes are shining brightly.

iii.

Harry dreams that he never killed Draco. They are fucking- because they are always fucking (into walls, in their beds, in alleyways, in other people’s beds, bathrooms, and kitchens) because Harry is not sure that he will ever have his fill of Draco. It’s not love- love is six feet under, lily white, love is a dark room, drinking his liver away, never to be happy again. He doesn’t want to think about either one of them, so he closes his eyes, and comes, forgetting everything but Draco, and how Draco is the only one who hasn’t left him yet.

iv.

Harry wakes up, Ginny pressing close to his side. She’s snoring softly, but he doesn’t let that bother him. She wakes up soon after him, her eyes still blurry from sleep. Ginny will roll on op of him anyway, and she will sigh softly as he enters her, her eyes fluttering shut. She moves slowly, gasping and moaning, and Harry will wish that he’s still sleeping. He’s wide awake though, and Ginny arches her back, and sighs his name, her only ‘I love you.’ This is all he knows, and all he doesn’t want.

Comments

[getaway-machine.livejournal.com]

This universe you've created kills me. It really, really does. Harry isn't sure of what's real, and sometimes I'm not either, and I think that's how you meant it, but it's killer. It really is. Harry makes me hurt here, and I hate you for it, but I love you for it as well.

But, as always, I lovelovelove your writing. You're amazing.

[notworthy.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you liked this, cause this- I don't know. It's getting there. Somewhere, I hope.

[antistar-e.livejournal.com]

Just so you know, this and What If I Told You This Was Killing Me? are two of the most amazing, heartbreaking things I've ever read. There's no doubt.

I didn't know a better way to express it in words, so I give you that instead ^.^