notworthy: (narnia: susan | you want to know)
[personal profile] notworthy
we are in a hotel in jacksonville, florida. so far my family has argued, and we had a tornado warning. fun times! i don't know, they are being all right now, but i have little to no tolerance for the kids right now. also, fic time! there's a million susan fics post the last battle, but i wanted to do one. cause. &susan; with apologies to bright eyes:

i have no faith (but it's all i want to be loved)
chronicles of narnia | susan pevensie | g | 466 words

When Susan's family dies, she sheds no tears. The handful of people that come to the funeral look at her oddly, but she pays them no mind.

She doesn't cry, because she knows they're happier. It doesn’t matter if they're in Heaven or Narnia (or if it's really just the same place) but she knows they're there. Her brothers and sister are -were- good. They believed.

She traces their names. She doesn't cry for them. Susan knows that they're happier, without her.

The thought doesn't hurt, like she thought it would. If this is a punishment, maybe it's one she deserves.


A week later though, she's going through Ed's things. There's a picture of the four of them, maybe a few weeks after that first trip to Narnia. It's impossible to tell whose limbs are whose, and the four of them are smiling-

She spends the rest of the day in bed, sobbing and feeling utterly alone.


A few months after their deaths, she stops going to parties. The expressions of pity are beginning to get to her.


"I'm sorry," Susan says, a year later. It's her monthly visits to their graves. "Even if I didn't believe, I shouldn't have tried to tell you that you were wrong. I shouldn't have pushed you all away. If I had known how little time- but we never do know, do we?"

Her siblings were always smarter than her.

She rests her hand against Lucy's headstone. If she's honest, she misses her sister the most- but then, she thinks that Edmund and Peter would have too, if it had been one of them here instead of her. Lucy was everyone's favorite, and they all knew it.

"I wish you were here," she says, keeping her eyes wide. She doesn't want to cry. "But I think you guys are in Narnia now- I hope. I have to."

If her family died for nothing, it would destroy her completely. She sighs softly, and wipes at her eyes. She lean s her head against Lucy's headstone, breathing heavily. She's trying to not break down completely, and she knew that it wasn't going to work. If she didn't do it now, it will happen soon enough.

"I just. Oh Lu, I love you. All of you," she whispers, standing up. She looks at the headstones for another moment, before she turns around.

Like every month, there's nothing for her here.


She doesn't think about what will happen to her, after. If she'll ever see her siblings again. Probably not. Susan isn’t sure if she believes in redemption, or if it's possible for her.

She hopes so, even if it's just to see them again. That's all she really wants. She just wants to be with them.

Perhaps one day.


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February 2014

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